My diet is continuing to go well. My sugar is stable. I'm taking all of my supplements. It's friday night, I got paid today and I only have 3 day work week next week. Life is good. Right? So why I am I feeling so whiney? I am perseverating with angry irrational thoughts that are sapping my energy. These thoughts make no sense. There is an impending feeling I am destined for disappointment and I can't shake it. I'm not likely to turn to food. I feel like I have that under control today, but it leaves me wondering "What do you do when all of your coping mechanisms have been removed and you have done all you can to stay positive. My goal for tonight besides just not over eating, is to avoid crawling into a dark hole inside my head, or becoming an unbearable asshole. Its odd how in the quiet moments there is an underlying hum that resonates as a feeling of waiting. Everything is in the future. Some people use that as an affirmation, but for me it strikes a note of impatience. I feel like everything has been waiting for me in the future for my entire life. I am grateful for the wonderful people in my life; my wonderful wife; my awesome family; my amazing friends; my dogs. I am grateful for the prosperity I have received my job, my home, my car. I am gifted with talents and skills. In fact, there is not an area in my life where I have not received blessings and yet I have always felt like I am behind on my dreams, goals and ambitions. Like I have finished my course work and the diploma has not yet arrived. I'm not sure when I'll be content. I'm not sure if I can be content. Its not that I want more, its that I want new. I want challenges. I'm waiting for be recognized for what I have to offer and given the opportunity to share it. I have been under utilized for so long that I have lost track of what being me fully realize means. Not to be trite but, how long must an oak remain an acorn? I have skills, talents and ideas that are going fallow while I wait and I've been waiting a long time. Some people believe that our core beliefs shape our path through life. For example, if you see yourself as poor, that self image will filter your experiences possibly keeping you from seeing the options that others handily make use of. Maybe there is part of my self image that is stuck. Its possible I have a huge blind spot when it come to my own advancement where I see other people's so clearly. I don't know. What I do know is that some days its hard to wait. Somedays the promise of tomorrow is over shadowed by the reality of today. I guess there are going to be days that just suck for no reason. Or maybe they suck for perfectly good reasons, but still suck. I just don't know. I do know that tomorrow seems farther away today than it did yesterday and I'm going to have to figure that out. until then ...