A few years ago I made the connection between my over eating and dopamine. I frequently experience depression, boredom, unexplained dissatisfied and a general sense of well, "blah" where I don't want to move or do anything. I feel a void, a paralyzing hollowness that is often accompanied by a crippling sadness. I can be fine and then a few minutes later have my head buried in a blanket overwhelmed by how awful my life is and I am completely inconsolable. Throughout my life I have self medicated these feelings with food. Food provides a quick easy fix -- a flash of pleasure and a momentary feeling of satisfaction. If I eat enough food, I am lulled into a calm sedated state for a while or able to roll up and fall asleep. Over time I came to understand that the flash of pleasure I was seeking was a dopamine fix. Among other things, dopamine is the neurotransmitter for pleasure, reward and motivation. Low dopamine can cause sudden mood swings, attention deficit, lack of motivation, social anxiety, and depression other "side effects." Recently I learned that I have three genetic markers for low dopamine. One of these markers makes it very hard for me to produce dopamine and the other two make me very efficient at clearing it away. Essentially, I struggle to make dopamine and then get rid of it as soon as its produced. I believe this is a large part of my struggle with weight, mood, attention, boredom and general contentment. I believe this is why I am addicted to food. I count my blessings that I don't also struggle with other addictions. Yesterday afternoon, a couple of hours after lunch, between stress, boredom and a general lack of positive stimulation I fell into one of these dark holes. I called my wife who's amazing sense of humor was able to pull me up enough to get through the rest of my day, it was a struggle and I unwillingly fought to stay sad. I also took some Tyrosine which is supposed to help the body product dopamine. Eventually, I was ok and able to finish my day. This experience really drove home a lot of critical life lessons for me. I became more aware of how important meaningful work is to me. I was made aware of what a great wife I have. And I saw quite clearly how much I was using food just to get through the day. Being on a 500 calorie diet there were no food options. I couldn't eat my way through the afternoon. I needed positive stimulus -- food and soda were not options. This is my relationship with food. I'm addicted to over eating and this is what I am trying to learn how to correct through this extreme diet. I will learn healthier ways to pep myself up and keep myself running and I'll learn to use food for nutrition not medication. Yesterday was one of the hardest fought days of my diet so far, but I made it through. With a little luck and a lot of determination, I'll make it to the end and be better off for it. Weight: 272.4 Tomorrow, I'll start posting images of food again. until then...