I'm back on track today. I met with my doctor and we recommitted to heal the damage I have done to my body, rather than treating the symptoms and waiting for those treatments to stop working. It's not going to be easy. I have a lot of work to do, both in terms of diet and exercise and in terms of understanding and adjusting my medications. I don't want to get all dark on the endocrinology approach, but it has become abundantly clear to me that they specialize in treatment, not healing.

We are working with a book called Bernstein's Diabetes Solution: The Complete Guide to Achieving Normal Blood Sugars It provides a holistic approach to type II diabetes, addressing all areas of treatment from diet to medications and how to take them. The book claims to be able to restore the body to normal blood sugars, which is the goal.

I've also found a new supplement for my struggles with dopamine. I have been taking Tyrosine to help with my dopamine levels. Today I discovered N-Acetyl Tyrosine, which has a higher bioavailability. It may be placebo or it may be that my mood is improved by my renewed hope, but this is the first time since I stopped taking ADD medication that I feel like functional. I'm doing something right today because I feel like I have full access to my brain. It's a nice feeling.

I was in a bit of a slump after my cookie binge, but I fought through it and didn't descend too far into darkness. I also managed to limit my binge to the cookies, which I am hesitant to be proud of myself for, because in a way it feels like being pleased with myself only committing a petty crime and not a felony. That said I am pleased, because in the past I would have used this set back as an excuse to eat everything in sight until I got sick. So far the cookies have been an isolated incident, which reaffirms my resolve to become healthy.

My goals are distant, but achievable. Each day I just have to remind myself that I am not giving up anything. I am choosing something better. With a solid plan for recovery in place I can start focusing on my food. I often say more pictures of food at the end of my posts. I think those pictures help me stay honest with myself. It's easy for me to think I did a good job, but when I have a photo to look back on that shows me exactly what I ate, it's harder to forget the damning details.

As always, thank you for the support and the kind words. It helps more than I could have imagined More pictures of food tomorrow.

until then...