Today I stared temptation right in the fact and... ate it. I have been hungry all day and in a moment of weakness I ate some old stale cookies. I didn't enjoy them. I just made them disappear. I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to pick myself up tomorrow and do better. It's all I can do. I've been hungry all day and I finally just gave in. Part of my worry is that I'm having to change all of my meds. My new insurance doesn't pay for meds until I meet my deductible and that deductible is separate for drugs than it is for everything else. My old meds were going to cost $1500 a month. The new meds have me worried because they are not designed to help me get off them. I'm really bothered by the traditional approach to my illness. There is plenty of evidence that type II diabetes can be controlled with diet and exercise and yet, while there is no shortage of "loose weight" the prescriptions are designed for sustaining not healing and the diets they recommend make no sense. The nutritionist told me to eat 60g carb a mean. That's 180g of carb per day, which is high even for people with normal blood sugar. I am left feeling like they are in business to stay in business not to heal the sick. I'm past the point with my illness that "eat lettuce" is going to work and they are not offering me healing they are offer me $1500 drug with diminishing returns. So I have been a little stressed and today I broke down. I have 90 more pounds to loose. There are going to be days like this. The important thing for me is to double down tomorrow and not let myself use this as an excuse to good crazy and make things worse. I ate some cookies. It was stupid. Moving on. Tomorrow will be better. until then...