diet days ... binge
I've been slipping and today I fell. My emotional eating culminated in a can of pringles. 90 carbs. My sugar shot to about 380 before I took insulin. The price of the binge is that right now I'm feeling overwhelming sadness and anger. It's like an angry thrashing in my head pounding to get out but not finding an exit. I imagine this is how a balloon feels right before popping or lightning feels just before striking. There is a painful tension all through my body, a bone deep electric aching everywhere at once. This is why I have to diet. This is why I can't eat what I enjoy eating. The punishment for weakness is a sleepless night with a runaway mind and body writhing with pain. I can't sit still. If my skin touches itself anywhere it feels like that horrible sensation you get when you stick your tongue on a 9 volt battery to test it. I have to remember this. No matter how lost or sad or bored I get, no matter how good desert might taste, this is the price. This is like that on 11 -- comfort forgotten and all the bad returned 10 fold. And all I can do is wait it out and promise to be stronger tomorrow. until then. ..